alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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