have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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