you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
well I can't set my house on fire every night
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Randomize
