I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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