i think my tv is drunk
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
jump out the window naked night went bad
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
