did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Your cock deserves a montage
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
