Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
