You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
