Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
