We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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