whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
