Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
