Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
