um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
