considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
