none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
