I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
