wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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