Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
