dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
