Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
