Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
