Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
