I could have mohawked her pubes.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Randomize
