ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
