maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
