K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
