She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
