Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
As shirtless as possible
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
