i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I am full of burrito and curiosity
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
