We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
