you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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