I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
