dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
When are your genitals available?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
