ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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