Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
