is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
