Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
