party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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