life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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