Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
