You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
