After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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