Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
