Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
