Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
