there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
