what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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