So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
