Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
