Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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