Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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