True but thats because hes a fetus.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
