Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
