the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
