i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
