worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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